siggy

Just testing out my new siggy, made by Erin at Sweet Memory Graphics, totally cute!

Been so long...

I got a new siggy, made by my friend Erin, from Sweet Memory Graphics. I wanted it to be something having to do with her new walking skills.

She's such a mover and a shaker now. It's a ton of fun. I was hoping that this spring/summer she'd finally be able to roam around outside. It's been long awaited, and it's finally arrived.

The other day we went and saw the Easter Bunny at Zoo Boise's Easter "Egg"stravaganza. It was a lot of fun. That's the first time we'd taken Zoe to the Zoo since last year around this same time. She was much more into it this time. The monkey's were totally showing off, and so were the huge birds. We also got to see their new African exhibit which was really cool. Although, really we only saw the giraffes, I think there's supposed to be panda's, and other animals, but they were in bed I guess. Zoe got a sparkle in her eyes, that only a child gets, for the first time of seeing these animals, and a slightly awkward giggle of excitement. It was such a fun day.

Here are some pic's:

Ode to Breastfeeding my little Boo Boo Bear (Boob shots, beware)

Christmas 2008 before I had my nursing undercover wrap:

The aftermath of nursing:

My little boo weaned tonight. I'm sad, happy, sad, happy, sad. It's bittersweet I guess.

I've nursed her for 16&1/2 months. She never had a drop of formula, and was exclusively breastfed for her first 6 months until solids were introduced. I'm so proud that I made it this long. I'm so proud of her for being so strong tonight.

If you've read some of my other posts, you know that we have self-weaned from all other nursing's, very gradually, and really easily. This last one (at bed time) was the hardest (for me mostly), as I've been nursing her to sleep every night since she was a newborn. I just told her "mommy's milk is all gone" and she just turned and pointed to her sippy. She seemed a little bit sad, but she didn't cry at all. She didn't even fuss. I'm proud of her for being so strong. I'm going to miss those times, but I'm so thankful that I got to experience it for as long as I did.

I rocked Zoe to sleep tonight, while she very tightly cuddled her sippy cup like it was the softest teddy bear in the world. I didn't realize that last night would be my last night of nursing her. It just sort of happened this way, but I think it's for the best.

Wow, what a week, first she becomes a walker, now she quits nursing. My little girl is growing up. And as difficult and bittersweet as it is, it's also amazing and exciting to think about our future together.

Here's some pic's of our time shared:

The First Latch ever:





The last photo of us nursing. Taken in December '09:

Do we have a walker???

Where have I been?

I've been basking in the presence of the most joyful piece of my life, my daughter. I have been taking pictures, trying my best to keep up with my project 365, but I don't know if I'll be updating them on here constantly. It put added stress on me, which is easy to do to me, as you may be able to tell. I plan on saving all my photo's by the date they were taken, in my saved files, so I'm still doing it, I just don't know if I will be as avid about updating it on here. Once it's less of a "chore" maybe I will be more inclined to do it. I'm strange like that. A rebel at heart.

I received my new silver iPod Classic 120gb, today in the mail! It's wonderful! I'm listening to old tunes as I type. I swear that the iPod was invented for someone like me... in fact, maybe it was invented for me. In that case, I should've gotten in on it sooner. It's perfect for someone completely ADHD in every sense of the word, and for someone with a million, and I mean a MILLION CD's. I never want to take the time to search through all of our CD's (especially when only about 1/4 of them are "mine") that I just don't listen to my music much anymore. I tried putting all my stuff into one of those binder things, it helped, but not a lot. Now that I have my iPod I can just skim through, pick a song, and if I decide all of a sudden that I wasn't really in the mood for that, like I thought I was, then I can change it in seconds. It's freakin' awesome!!! Yay! I feel like a rich person for ordering an iPod, it's such an extravagant purchase, but I feel that I earned it.

Zoe's been keeping me busy, she's talking a TON more, and she took some steps 2 weekends ago. She hasn't taken much steps since, so she's walked, but she isn't "walking." She also has taken up (well actually she's always been like this) a fascination with doors, repetitive movement. She got a new play yard this weekend, and she could've cared less about the slide, all she wanted to do was open and close the little door. She gets her mind set on something and can't stop. Autism has come to mind, but the only aspect that she shows signs of autism is in the area of play, nothing else... so we'll see. I am trying not to worry and just let her be who she is. She's probably just OCD, like her dadda.

Here's some of Zoe's words lately, hopefully I can remember them all:
today she said "dot" about my mole on my arm, so flippin' cute.
she always says shoes, she will shout out "Shoes!" when we're at the store shopping and she sees some.
She will also say "socks" a lot...
hmmm, what else...
oh she always says "doll" for bears, or dolls.
She tries to say "dog"
She says "yeah, yeah, yeah" a lot lately.
Today, she peed all over the floor (her diaper was off, pre-bath) and I said "Oh, you peed" she said "pee" that was a first for that.
She tries to copy everything I say, it's adorable, and so hard to keep up with. She has a beautiful voice, I can't wait to hear more of it.

I love her.

Thanks for reading, if you've read for this long I commend you. Ramble on, ramble on, that's what I do best.

Good night. Or as Zoe would say, "nigh nigh."

Just some pic's

At Rafiki. She kept standing up and sitting down in this chair:

At Port of Subs, earlier in the day. Zoe was sporting the side pony tail:

Day 47 (I missed day 46)

Valentines Day

Jeremy and I had our first full night away from Zoe. Grandma was kind enough to spend the night at our house and watch little Zo-ster. They had quite the fun slumber party. We did too. We stayed at a local hotel. We went to dinner at a mexican restaurant, went back to our hotel and went to the hot tub, went to the bar there (we changed out of our swimsuits first) and watched adorable old people (60's-70's) dance better than the 20 year olds... I'm not kidding, totally bustin' out the moves, then we went back to our room for the night and ordered room service for breakfast the next morning. We had a great time, it was like the ol' days. We missed our baby boo though, and were anxious to come back to her.

Days 44 and 45:

The little love birds... excuse me, cats. On Valentines Day:

Ready to go out to eat. Friday the 13th. My shoes were HOT, but not comfy, how did I ever get used to wearing heals???

Our comfy cozy bed in the hotel

The girls before we left, playing in Zoe's old bassinet. She loved it, it was cracking her up to lay in there. I think somehow she must remember it. Crazy.

catching up

Catching up with my Project 365... got a little bit behind. Here are days 39, 40, and 41.

41:

40:

39:

39:

39 also:

Nursing

I always wanted to be a nurse. But that's not at all what this post is about. It's about breastfeeding. Yep, another one of those.

Tonight I considered weaning my little Boo. My mother watched her last night and put her to bed, sans breast milk, so I thought, what better time to start than now? I figured we had a head start, Jeremy's off tonight and tomorrow night... I totally wimped out.

So far we've done child-lead-weaning. Up until this point it's been graceful and timed well. Now we're just nursing at bed time... not even in the middle of the night anymore (and all of a sudden she sleeps through the night!!!) so I figure, why wean now? But at the same time I wonder... will she ever wean on her own? Of course I know she eventually will, but I guess I'm sort of preferring it be prior to the age of 2.

Zoe is 16 months, nearly, and it's not that I mind nursing her still, in fact I absolutely love it because it's such a bonding experience for us. I also love that, aside from you and I, no one has to know about it, so I don't have to deal with the judgemental comments, or looks, that uneducated people often give. I guess what it comes down to is that I feel like we should wean. I have a mental "condition" that requires medicating, but I've been under medicated, mostly not medicated at all, for 2 years now. I'm doing really well, but certain days are worse than others, but I am pretty good at managing and at recognizing it. I feel as if my psychiatrist will judge me for not weaning yet, as he asked me at our last appointment "she should be weaned in a couple months, right?" I said "yes" which was basically a lie, because I honestly had no idea. I hate to tell him that we're doing child-lead-weaning because I am afraid of how he will react.

It's sad that I fear my own doctors reaction, it stems from too many judgemental comments, or comments suggesting I stop nursing from other doctor's. For example, I got thrush, the doctor suggested I started to wean, total B.S., I was depressed, doctor said there were no options for me aside from weaning first and then taking medication, total B.S., another doctor offered me only one option of medication and basically said if I didn't wean than I would just have to deal with the postpartum depression on my own and "good luck!" She didn't actually say good luck, but she might as well have while she shoved me hurriedly out the door. So, needless to say I'm a little weary of the next thing one of my doctor's might say. I get really anxious about it actually, and I feel that it's really unfair that I feel guilty about doing what I believe is best for my daughter.

But that raises the ultimate question... is it best for my daughter, if I'm not fully emotionally stable? I believe that I am stable enough, so yes, I do believe it's best for her. If I were ever in an ongoing manic state then I know that I, or my husband, would seek help and do what's ultimately safest for everyone.

I don't want to wean Zoe yet. I don't want it to be remembered as something traumatic for either of us. Of course she won't remember, but it is possible that it could affect her emotional upbringing somehow. I will wait until she's ready... or when I'm ready, whichever comes first. So for now I will just treasure the moments while I nourish her, while nursing her.

Another blankie review

Another review. Here's the next review of my baby blankies, from Amanda. She also said she's going to do one more. Here's the link to my review. Pretty cool, hopefully it will help me pick up sales a little bit.